A friend recently posted about being at a crossroad in her life as she explores a new opportunity. I immediately responded with – I know exactly how you feel!!!
I’ve been sitting at a crossroad for quite a while now. In fact, I’m not even sure how long its been. I think I’ve seen it coming for at least a year. Slowly creeping up to the stop sign on a deserted country road.
And I’ve just kind of sat here for the last month or so. Debating which way to go. Deciding. Getting ready to press down on the accelerator, just to quickly pull my foot back to the brake again.
I’m getting nowhere.
Naomi reminds me of this often. She’s trying to learn how to move, and will often lay on the floor and move her hips back and forth quickly, trying to get somewhere.
She never gets anywhere of course, but uses up a lot of energy in the process.
That’s me. I’m exhausted with all the energy I’m putting forth trying to make a decision of what to do and actually commit to doing it.
When Naomi finally decides where she want to go, she can get herself there. Even at 5 months old she needs to focus and decide what she wants in order to move toward it.
Decision is key.
You can’t do it all. I can’t do it all. As much as I want to, I can’t. So I have to decide which path I’m going to take and take it. Easier said than done, right!?!
We’ve all been there – and probably will all be here again some day.
I was praying about this as I unloaded the dishwasher this morning. Lord, is there anyone in the Bible who had to sit at a crossroads?
(I felt a bit sucker-punched in the gut at this point. )
He was a shepherd when he was anointed to be king. He couldn’t continue to be a shepherd and be king. He had to choose to leave one behind, for the greater glory of the other.
I imagine this wasn’t an easy decision for young David. We see from the Psalms that David had a great love for his sheep and being a shepherd. He seemed like he was doing well as one, too. Going into the service of King Saul had to be a pretty radical life change for him to contemplate.
Sheep and open air/space to the confines of a royal court with a king who was losing his mind? Not a decision, I’d want to make.
But this really wasn’t the decision at hand for David to make, either. His decision was to follow God’s leading into the glory that He had planned for David, or to stay safe and comfortable with what he already knew he could do, and do well.
And here I sit, facing the same decision myself.
I want to follow God’s anointing on my life. To follow Him into whatever He has planned. But I’m scared of what “raging King Sauls” I might run into.
And I don’t want to leave my sheep – or in my case my bees, and the business we’ve already built.
But the Lord is leading me to leave this part of my life behind. I know it – and I’m excited and terrified all at the same time.
I know I will always have a great affinity for my little buzzies. And I know that they will probably be used in more metaphors than I can even imagine now. But I must leave the day to day operations behind.
This means closing Hatcher’s Honey Bee Farm, so that I can pursue God’s anointing on my my family’s life.
I didn’t start writing this post as a goodbye – in fact I think I’m kind of shocked to typing these words. But a goodbye it must be. In order to move forward we have to make a decision. And focus. I can’t do both.
I’m putting my foot and the accelerator, and pulling out. To where yet, I don’t know. God’s telling me to write, to blog, and to share – something new.
Lord, please lead me and Chris!